Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I love me.

I have been inspired. I have been inspired by Courtney and Robin to do something I don't like. To do something that is scary. No, no needles are involved. The thing that makes my palms sweat is self-portraiture. Yep. It wasn't until I read Courtney's deep post that I realized I really am not totally over all the self image stuff I dealt with as a teen. While I'm no longer super self-conscious like I was back when I was younger and thinner, I'm still shy and unsure of myself. I'm old enough now that it didn't matter to me, until I thought of my daughter. I want her to realize that she is beautiful on the inside and the outside and that God made her the way she is intentionally. Why did I think that it was unreasonable or vain to think that way about myself? Since I have had kids, I have come into existence as a mother, but somewhere along the way I lost my pre-baby self. And I really didn't care.

What's more wonderful than being a mommy?

After four years, I'm starting to care. I need to care about me for them. I don't just mean eating reasonably well and trying to stay healthy. I need to teach them that it is okay to love yourself and think yourself beautiful. By doing that, you are acknowledging God's handiwork. I need to teach by example. I need to do this, and I am afraid. But I trust God to help me. And I trust friends to support me in this.

Not liking photos of one's self has been a family tradition. My great-grandmother would scratch herself out of photos whenever possible. My grandmother (her daughter-in-law) used to cut herself out of family photos. My mother avoids the "business end" of a camera like the plague. I suppose I have been learning this my whole life. All the more reason to correct it before I teach my daughter any more self-dislike.

Here is a photo of me I've never been fond of, but I'm trying to look at it in a new way.

So, be warned, self-portraits are to follow soon.



  1. Good for you, Susan! I am SO happy that you drew inspiration from my post as well as Robin's. Can't wait to see the selfies and you are a cutie, BTW. ;) We'll definitely support you on this journey. Praying for you as you take the leap!

  2. Okay, this is my third attempt... I'm having trouble posting for some reason...

    Anyway, I'm so proud of you and this journey that we're both on. We owe it to our daughters and ourselves to evaluate our thoughts and actions and to do something about this self-loathing that's been passed on to us by generations before us.

    I'm so looking forward to your posts!