Saturday, March 26, 2011

Selfie Saturdays

While I don't think these are "good" as photographs,
they are good for my own journey.
Hopefully, the photographic merits will improve as I get more comfortable in front of the camera.
I had great plans today for shooting myself with an "I am beautiful" sign. But it's raining and the light inside is not that good. So, that will postponed for another day.

Photos where my face is clearly visible are the hardest for me.
I have always been especially self-conscious of my face. Of course, since I have had kids, I have a whole new set of body issues.
My purpose is not to complain, but just to talk.

I know I am not the only woman out there who has been through this.
I am determined to stop second-guessing God.
He knew what he was doing when he made me.
He made me on purpose.
The same is true for you.

So, here are my long-arm selfies for today.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Warming up

Well, I'm warming up to a selfie. Here is a photo taken just minutes after my son was born. Baby boy was cropped out of this picture as a matter of fact.
Not a bit of makeup. It was about twenty after two in the morning, but here it is.

When I can get a moment without kids this morning, I'm going in front of the camera!


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I love me.

I have been inspired. I have been inspired by Courtney and Robin to do something I don't like. To do something that is scary. No, no needles are involved. The thing that makes my palms sweat is self-portraiture. Yep. It wasn't until I read Courtney's deep post that I realized I really am not totally over all the self image stuff I dealt with as a teen. While I'm no longer super self-conscious like I was back when I was younger and thinner, I'm still shy and unsure of myself. I'm old enough now that it didn't matter to me, until I thought of my daughter. I want her to realize that she is beautiful on the inside and the outside and that God made her the way she is intentionally. Why did I think that it was unreasonable or vain to think that way about myself? Since I have had kids, I have come into existence as a mother, but somewhere along the way I lost my pre-baby self. And I really didn't care.

What's more wonderful than being a mommy?

After four years, I'm starting to care. I need to care about me for them. I don't just mean eating reasonably well and trying to stay healthy. I need to teach them that it is okay to love yourself and think yourself beautiful. By doing that, you are acknowledging God's handiwork. I need to teach by example. I need to do this, and I am afraid. But I trust God to help me. And I trust friends to support me in this.

Not liking photos of one's self has been a family tradition. My great-grandmother would scratch herself out of photos whenever possible. My grandmother (her daughter-in-law) used to cut herself out of family photos. My mother avoids the "business end" of a camera like the plague. I suppose I have been learning this my whole life. All the more reason to correct it before I teach my daughter any more self-dislike.

Here is a photo of me I've never been fond of, but I'm trying to look at it in a new way.

So, be warned, self-portraits are to follow soon.